I haven’t written in a while. The reason for this is that I have been exploring in my awareness a place where all the voices in my head quiet and dwindle into one stream of muffled chatter. I’ve been wandering for a while too, jumping from one consciousness to another, remembering one life after another, calling myself many names. First I explored a very male and “light” part of myself. This aspect of me that wanted to serve, overcome and be righteous. Then I reacquainted with my other half, the organic priestess in the shadows. The one that speaks of the Earth, of sex, of decay.
In that place I feel a string above connecting me straight to source and for the first time in a while I feel joy. I find equanimity for the hurts of the world. I find purpose without doing and i find perfection. Not a conceptual perfection that needs to be achieved or “worked at”, just inherent perfection. I feel full and complete, not yearning for any twin flames or soulmates for they are all within.
When i look below i see countless strings linking me to my numerous incarnations of the past, present and future, Galactic and Earth bound, of all genders and forms.
In that place where all comes into one I feel at peace. There is no drive in me to accomplish anything. Just a desire to be, to exist. In this pure and introspective point of singularity, I am. I am everything.
Now that I stopped asking “who I am” i started to ask myself “what now”. Because being in a space of almost instant manifestation without any definite desire left me a little bitter for a while. When I turn inside and ask what I should do, it laughs softly and answers “nothing”. And so there is nothing to do. Nothing to save, nothing to change. Just pure experience, pure creation and expression. I see that in Presence and Attention is true service to God.
And to fall in and out of awareness is the very essence of being alive : a very fine line to balance between nihilism and fanaticism. We know then we forget, then we remember, then we forget to better remember once more. And so it is.